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15
I wish I could help him, he is always so exhausted when he comes home from work. I wish I knew what's wrong with him but he doesn't talk to me. It's like he is annoyed by me. He doesn't even gives answers to my questions. He gets lost in his thoughts but speaks aloud. It's all because of his job, he is too old to travel every week, but I think they just don't want to take him off the streets because the people love him and buy so much from him. And always the agruments between my dear Willy and Biff. Willy gets angry by just talking about Biff. Willy is so confused he even asked me if I could open the windows but they were all open. Maybe he should go see a dochtor– no not a good idea. Oh, and all the depts we have to pay and Willy is the only one making money. I can understand why he is exhausted, my poor Willy. In the past it was all better he had a better realationship with the boys and he came home happy and sometimes with surprises for them. Now he comes home late and I can't help him. I wish I could do something.
1
(Linda sitting on the fragile bed upstairs) … my dear, my dear. Why is my Willy always so stubborn? He is not able to think straight with all these problems in his head. It is like he is drowning in his mind and nobody can reach him there. And all these depts… My dear, my dear… Why is he always tired from work and everything seems impossible to manage the past few months. He is always exhausted and not able to drive anymore. This afternoon I thought Willy crashed the car. I thought it was the end when he came in. His eyes have been so desperate… I could not dare looking into them. I also feel like drowning but I have nobody to talk to. He could not manage seing me like this. He would blame himself for not working enough. I can not open up to him like I wish I could. But my darling… he is so full of his inner demons and he will not commit them to me. My dear is just too proud… too proud ro realize he can not drive anymore… too proud to realize that Biff has his own understandings of a fullfilled life… and to proud to see that we can not just buy new stockings like otherones do, like we wish we could… But it is okay. I love my darling, with all his temper and his massive dreams. My dear, my dear… ( hears Willy talking in the kitchen )… what is happening to you? What is happening to us?
17
He looks so sad and exhausted. But I can’t help him, can I? I don’t know how to help. Is his job so unbelievably hard that he can't even be himself anymore? Maybe he should give up the job and get a more relaxed job. Where is this happy man? I guess he’s getting to old for all this traveling, but people like him and buy the things he’s trying to sell. He is a good salesman. This hard job is killing him. But here at home, there is this strange tenseness between him and our children. They are arguing more often now, they never did in the past. I don’t want to live that way anymore, I want my happy family back, it's been so peaceful back then. But nowadays it hasn't been that amazing anymore. How can I help to get this family back together?